This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
