So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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