i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
