Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
