Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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