the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
