I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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