So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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