Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
