What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
