I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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