Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
