Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
