even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
