dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
