Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just invented taco cereal.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I need moral support for this bender
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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