someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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