THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
