ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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