i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
