Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
