I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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