So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
