There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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