dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize