I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
well you can't waste a boner
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
