I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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