in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
