remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
