cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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