I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize