onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
