so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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