Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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