In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
