never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you win again, gameday.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
