The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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