Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
