don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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