Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
