I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
