Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
