I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
3 2 1 whiskey
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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