as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
