summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
