awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
