okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
