Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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