thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
