i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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