I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
