her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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