Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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