I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I accidentally burped into my bong.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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