Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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