Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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