I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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