Im at strip club and am horny
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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