he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
