i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
