why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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