OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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