yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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