I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
