I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
