Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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