Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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