I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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