I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
