so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
