i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
