Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize