I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
