Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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