Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
