Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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