Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize