Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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