do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
