Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
