So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
