oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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