So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
