Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
