Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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