Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
