peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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