So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
