I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
