I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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