CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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