Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You're earring is so big in my mouth
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
