too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
The ass gains better be worth it
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
