I've blown a few things in my day
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
